Five years ago. The pregnancy test in my hand is positive. My fingers tremble with anticipation, but I know for sure: Aaron will stand by me, and together we’ll eagerly await our beautiful baby, and then raise him together…
My parents, of course, will be initially against it. They’ve been against our romance from the start, which began so suddenly four months ago: I’m only nineteen, a sophomore in the psychology department, and Aaron is already a graduate with a very successful practice for a beginner at the best family psychology center in New York…
But over time, my parents will understand and accept our love – I’m completely sure of that. For now, I brush away tears of happiness from my eyelashes and gently place my hand on my still flat stomach. My baby… our baby… it’s so strange and so wonderful to know that you’re inside, even though I can’t feel you yet…
Aaron returns from work in an hour, and I immediately go to meet him at the door, excited, not yet understanding how he will react to the unexpected news. We once talked about our future together and about children, but Aaron said it wasn’t time yet. But our baby didn’t want to wait until we were ready; he wanted to come into the world now… who are we to stop him?!
“You’re pregnant?!” the man asks in shock when I tell him the news. In response, I show him the test with two lines:
“Yes… it just happened…”
“How did it happen, Emily?!” he doesn’t understand, and I see his eyes nervously darting from side to side. It seems like a bad sign, and I involuntarily step back from him. “We were using protection!”
“Sometimes it just happens,” I say quietly, already feeling guilty.
“Emily, I love you very much, but do you remember what we talked about?!”
“Y-yes…” I lower my head.
“A baby is really inconvenient right now! You’re a sophomore in college, you need to study, and I just got a great position at the family psychology center, I have many clients, I’m building case studies, maintaining blogs on social media, and actively developing my personal brand – to open my own psychology practice in six months to a year! You know: psychology is my passion, and I want my own business in this field!”
“Yes, of course, honey, I know,” I whisper and nod.
“I need to invest in advertising, and a baby is a burden! For both you and me! We can’t handle a baby, understand?! He will consume our entire budget, all our time, all our energy! Emily… you need to get rid of the baby!”
His last words hit me like a strong slap to the face and heart. For a few moments, I seem to stop breathing. Thoughts race in my fevered mind at the speed of light: he’s right… he’s so right… we’re still so young, we’re not established yet… we need to study, work… what baby?!
I feel so ashamed, so embarrassed.
“I’m sorry…” I mumble guiltily, tears streaming down my cheeks.
“It’s alright, baby, it’s alright,” Aaron immediately begins to calm me. “We will definitely have children, in three years, when I have my own business, you graduate from college, and we get married… deal?”
“Deal…” I obediently nod, swallowing my tears, and again instinctively place my hand on my stomach: I’m sorry, baby, I’m sorry…
Today.
The last two clients unexpectedly canceled, so I’m coming home three hours earlier. I don’t call Aaron on purpose – I want to surprise him. I take the elevator up, and the neighbors smile at me, asking how I’m doing… Of course, they don’t really care about me, they’re interested in my husband – the star of psychology, social media, and infobusiness. It’s been several years since he started his journey, and now his business card reads:
“Aaron Smith.
Psychologist, coach, family relationship specialist,” – and in a month, the anniversary tenth stream of his course “Love Yourself: Techniques for Boosting Self-Esteem for a Full and Happy Life” starts.
My husband is my pride!
Smiling to myself, I open the door to our New York apartment with a key, and the first thing that catches my eye is a pair of unfamiliar women’s shoes. Suspecting something wrong, my heart begins to pound in my chest, and then I hear a woman’s voice from the bedroom:
“Are you sure she’ll only be back by seven in the evening?”
“Yes, she has a lot of clients today, don’t worry, baby, we’ll have time for another round…” my husband’s voice responds to the stranger, and then the conversation stops, replaced by sounds…
For what feels like an eternity, I stand in the hallway, rooted to the spot, afraid to move and reveal myself to my husband and his lover…
Because it has to be a lover, right?! Of course, who else could it be?! And right now, if I do nothing, they will have sex in our bed…
But how did it come to this?! Yes, my husband and I sometimes had disagreements – like any couple! – but I thought we loved each other, that we stood by each other through thick and thin…
It turns out I was gravely mistaken.
Overcoming the stupor of the initial shock, I decide I must intervene. Hastily taking off my street shoes, I step into the bedroom in my cardigan and jeans, where my husband and the unfamiliar girl are…
The girl sees me first. She pulls away from Aaron, gasping in fear, instinctively covers herself with a blanket, and looks at me from under her brows from my own bed.
“Emily?!” my husband’s voice is full of dismay. He clearly didn’t expect me to catch them. “What about… what about your clients?!”
“They canceled,” I say dryly.
“And why didn’t you call?!”
“I wanted to surprise you,” and in the end, he surprised me.
“Damn it!” Aaron swears and turns to the girl. “Lisa, why are you still here?! Come on, get dressed and leave, quickly! I need to talk to my wife!”
“What is there to talk about?!” I spread my hands while the naked girl gathers her clothes scattered on the floor in a passion and slips past me into the bathroom to get dressed and finally leave. I watch her go and, to be honest, I still can’t believe this is really happening…
My. Husband. Is. Cheating. On. Me.
“It was just once!” he says, as if responding to my thoughts.
“What difference does it make…”
I’m so shocked that I don’t even cry. I just stand in the middle of our bedroom, where my husband was just with another woman, and feel my world collapsing…
I was ready for anything for him – all these five and a half years…
I gave him my innocence.
Fell out with my parents, who were against our relationship.
Got rid of the baby when he said we weren’t ready for children.
Gave all my money from my first student jobs for his advertising campaigns.
Cooked for him, did his laundry, cleaned while he launched his first online courses and earned his first hundred thousand…
Married him, ready to always be in his shadow.
Sacrificed my career ambitions for his business.
Registered part of his assets in my name to avoid higher taxes.
Loved him… and still love him.
And he betrayed me.
Deceived me.
Cheated on me.
Maybe not just once, because I don’t believe his words…
How could he, how dare he?!
Tears finally stream down my cheeks, and Aaron reaches for my face with the same hands that touched another’s body:
“Baby…”
“I’m not your baby anymore!” I say in rage, remembering how just a few minutes ago he called that girl baby. “I gave you everything, always listened to you, loved you unconditionally, and you betrayed me!”
“I just… just had fun with her! I needed a distraction!”
“Distraction?!” I snap again. “From what did you need a distraction?! From me?!”
“From our problems! From your… your infertility!”
I involuntarily flinch: his last words hit me like a bitter slap to the face and heart – like back then, many years ago, when he told me to do it… I obeyed him and got rid of the baby. But two and a half years ago, we got married – and then Aaron said he wanted children. I was so happy, so glad… For over a year we tried to become parents – nothing worked. We turned to doctors. A year ago, I was diagnosed: infertility caused by surgical intervention during the abortion and subsequent inflammation…
“It’s your fault!” he now throws directly in my face, completely denying his guilt, although it was he who made me do it – and it was because of him that I can’t have children now…
And our baby could have been four years old…
“I’m leaving,” I say decisively and turn on my heel, not wanting to see him anymore, but Aaron smirks:
“And where exactly do you think you’re going?! You know that legally you’re responsible for part of my business…”
“Keep your business!” I snap in anger.
“You don’t understand,” my husband chuckles. “If you leave me, I’ll expose the fraudulent scheme for money laundering and tax evasion that I pulled off last year… All the debts will fall on your shoulders. You’ll face up to seven years in prison… Still want to leave?!”