It’s mind-boggling: a man can be happy with his woman and still deceive and cheat with another. How is this possible? How can you cheat when you love and are happy? Basically, for two main reasons that sometimes kick in simultaneously, and sometimes separately.
Reason #1
First, let’s look at human biology. All men are inherently “males” by nature. Nature has ensured that the human race doesn’t die out and has “gifted” every man with a powerful instinct to impregnate as many women as possible so that as much offspring as possible can be born. This instinct drives their thoughts, actions, and aspirations.
That’s why a man can experience physical (and even romantic) attraction to another woman, even if he’s dating or living with his beloved, with whom he’s truly happy. He doesn’t even analyze what’s happening—a “switch” just automatically flips in his head: “Oh, this means I can leave even more offspring on this Earth!”
When he looks at another woman with desire, it doesn’t necessarily mean he no longer finds his partner attractive or has fallen out of love. As they say, one doesn’t interfere with the other. The thing is, for men, making love without love is as natural and easy as it is abnormal and difficult for women. For a man, physical intimacy on the side isn’t a synonym for “love” at all—on the contrary, these are completely unrelated things.
Naturally, men get much more pleasure from sex when they’re in love. But if feelings are absent, intimacy is still a quite interesting and physically pleasant “adventure.” Therefore, emotions and attachment aren’t so necessary for them to start an affair on the side. Just instincts—nothing personal.
Women are built completely differently: for them, emotions and attachment mean even more than physical intimacy.
That’s why a woman, if she decides to cheat, will more likely do so because she lacks warmth, romance, and closeness in her relationship. That’s what she’s looking for “on the side,” not adventures at all. With men, everything’s simpler: they can cheat even when the relationship is wonderful and everything suits them more than enough. That’s exactly why casual affairs and “one-night adventures” aren’t uncommon.
So when men say in their defense that it was a meaningless connection, that’s usually exactly what it was. The instinct kicked in: “How to leave more offspring on the planet!” Although often they, like women, look for what’s missing in their relationship on the side. The same romance or intimacy, for example. But much less often than women. They have their own “mission” on Earth.
Sometimes men don’t even really identify the woman they’re cheating with. For them, she’s just a collection of buttocks, breasts, and other “charms.” And if you ask what kind of person she is, how she is in conversation, they won’t even remember. Naturally, instinct isn’t an excuse for such behavior, but the fact that it’s a cause and stimulus for infidelity—that’s a fact.
Reason #2
Besides the above-mentioned “fertilize and flee” instinct, there’s another reason why men start affairs on the side. We emphasize, even when they’re happy in their relationship and love their partner.
Men, like women, may also lack something in their relationship. It’s not true that they’re thicker-skinned and don’t need affection and warmth. The fact that they hide this and are ashamed to show it doesn’t mean that’s how it is. So if they can’t solve a problem that bothers them in the relationship for a long time, they eventually just give up. What’s missing in one place can always be sought and found in another. And in this case, the man isn’t looking for love at all (since he has it), but some “spare part for happiness.” He might be missing certain manifestations of tenderness, and often just sincerity and openness in communication.
And some have gotten bored with no longer “climbing through windows to their beloved women.” They miss the tension and passion in relationships that become calmer over time for all couples. That’s when they go hunting for adventures.
Romance really does gradually disappear from many couples’ relationships. There are reasons for this: time, problems, children, accumulating fatigue. Correspondingly, problems appear in the bedroom too. Men increasingly think that they can “taste” novelty and dynamics with someone else, and it won’t affect their love and relationship at all.
If these things are the cause of infidelity, then the man’s attitude toward the “object of passion” on the side also changes. For him, this is now prey, not a faceless woman. As soon as he “conquers” her, he usually immediately loses interest and leaves. But unfortunately, this doesn’t always happen. There’s quite a high risk that he won’t just get carried away, but fall in love, or even start planning a future together. This might be related to finally finding what he was missing in his current relationship. If he had been putting up with this for some time, then having tasted the forbidden fruit, he realized that things can’t continue this way.
Such a development doesn’t necessarily mean that the relationship with his partner or wife has no prospects anymore. They exist, existed, and will exist. Most likely, their relationship just got “stuck,” and nobody did anything in time to fix it. That’s why they don’t work. However, it’s quite obvious that new relationships suddenly “work” in such a magical and unexpected way not because they’re “right and perfect.”
It’s about novelty, which always entices and attracts. Besides, the grass always seems greener in the neighbor’s yard—that’s how humans are built. And if you think about it: is the man really happier in these new relationships? What will happen in a month? In a year? Answering these questions, he realizes that actually all he needs is to voice his problem to his partner and solve the problem together. Because in a new relationship, he’ll eventually face the same thing. Unless he’s going to spend his whole life moving from one woman to another like a flag.
What to Do If a Man Is Cheating?
No woman in the world has ever stopped a cheating man with surveillance, accusations, tears, and threats. There’s only one way out: try to talk to him. First of all, try to find out and understand what caused what happened. Does he really lack something in the relationship, or does he want to be with another woman?
The truth is, in reality, such a conversation isn’t that simple, of course. What guarantees do you have, for example, that your partner will answer honestly and sincerely? That’s why it’s so important to choose a convenient moment for the conversation, not to accuse, not to humiliate, but really try to understand. Your task is to get the man to open up and trust you. He should be confident that he won’t be ridiculed, etc.
Missing novelty? No problem: you can discuss this together and change everything. New beautiful lingerie, bedroom experiments—all of this is part of our life, and admitting that something is missing or unsatisfactory is absolutely normal. There’s nothing to be ashamed of here. Ask your partner what he likes, tell him what you like. It’s quite possible you’ll talk about this out loud for the first time in your life! What turns you on? What excites you? People in love will always understand each other and find a reasonable compromise.
Often, though, both partners really don’t know what they want and just shift responsibility to each other. And this is already a problem: if they don’t learn to express their needs and desires, then such relationships really can’t be saved anymore.